May 9, 2014

Friday Rant...yup...

Perhaps my cycle is coming...I D K I don't keep track but I feel wack today.

Feeling lazy
Hate missing an exercise session
Mother is killing me with calories
Wanting it like the air I breathe

Feeling like I need to erase all the things I have in my head, delete all the IG pages that post pics of models and start over.
I’m starting to make excuses for why I didn’t do this or that. Making excuses for why I can’t.
I need to regroup.
I’m starting to feel like a failure.  I have been at the same weight since December.
I have lost some inches and that’s great but I want the fat to go to.
However all is not lost.
I’m still in the game.
I haven’t gained the weight back
I haven’t given up and gone the easy route.

I just want a routine that can stand the test of rain, hail, tornado warning, snow, holidays, brother visit, and vacation.
I need a foolproof routine that I have no choice but to do. 
And the OCD person in me needs the perfect calendar or wall hanging for it to go on.

The lazy fat girl that’s still inside me just wants to eat burritos, brownies and bacon all day while washing it down with a bottle of Coca Cola. However I’m tired of being plus sized and eating Chipotle burritos EVERYDAY won’t help
I loathe being weak.  I loathe other people seeing me being weak. 
That’s what my blog is for.  It I can’t be real what’s the point.
The journey is not easy. It’s not supposed to be.
In order for the results to matter it has to be difficult. It has to be hard.
The journey makes the results so much more worth it.

Writing this out has actually helped me to feel better, more hopeful.
Down with negative.
Going to spend the weekend WRITING out (on paper) my routine.  It will include strength training, alternate exercises and j.i.c rain routines.

I have clarity.