Aug 1, 2014

If I don't commit to me, why should anyone else...

During many fitness journeys,  grinders use the first of the month to set goals and renew/revive/revise
 with fresh ideas and new point of view. Its no different for me today.

I have used my time off, away, in hiding, to pretty much get my shit together.
I’m human and I’m not perfect.  I NEVER for one moment thought starting continuing and living a fitness journey would be easy.  What I didn't expect was this crash.
When I say crash I mean, loss of will.

I have spent the past couple months trying to figure out how to get my mind back.  It’s like she has become independent of me and flipped me and my goals off.
So I took the time.  I did nothing. Well I won’t say nothing. I walked VERY LITTLE.  I ate and drank and not soda!  I drank vodka and tequila and lots of red wine YUM!!  When I tell you I am paying for it STILL paying for it, how, à  Bloated, water retention and 11lbs total gain.  ßThat’s how

I can feel the lack of exercise.  I’m sluggish, sex is horrible (well, orgasm: distinction), my joints are achy and my mood is shit.

I have worked really hard over the last year and to just stop and give up and give in, well I just can’t do that to myself…I love me too much! Even after I wrote my last post I still wasn't right and I knew it. I was in denial.
I have many issues Fear, Fear, Laziness, Fear.
Fear that I’m going to fail
Fear that I can’t do it
Fear that I’m going through all this for nothing
I realized that I was borderline depressed. And I knew when it started and why.
I had to confront one of my biggest issues. Deal with it so I could move FORWARD!

(Ok me bearing my soul moment here)

I had to talk to my ex. 
I started this journey, in part, because of my ex and I started this journey with my ex.(ex is 80lbs lighter)
My ex and I motivated each other, pushed each other and challenged each other.  We were each other’s cheerleader.  My ex was my accountability partner, pretty much, and we were each other’s trainer in a sense.  I would get those “How much water have you had?”  and “Did you do your squats?” texts.  We had exercise routines that we did together, trails that we walked and ran on.  I lost all that when the relationship changed and then ultimately ended.
I was missing something and feeling incomplete and I realized that loss impacted me harder than I was allowing myself to believe. So, I want and had a discussion with my ex and I left those feelings there.

With all that being said…Since then I have had to find deep inside myself the will to not give up on the COMMITMENT I made to myself just because someone else couldn't commit to me.
I’m going to step out my comfort zone and get this shit done.
I don’t want to live the way I have lived. Basically, I don’t want to be fat anymore. 
I have worked hard over the last year and I’m not going the let the progress and hardwork get flushed down the toilet over losing love…blah

August 1st is a great day to begin.  Yeh it’s a Friday and yeh it’s the weekend…but everyone starts over on a Monday…I want to conquer the weekend and come in to Monday strong and undefeated!!
And since I’m a goal loving whorebag I have set a few, just a few…I’m still on that one day at a time tip, now I'm just kicking it up. I’m not concerned about weight.  I have weighed- in but I’m all about the non-scale victories!

August Goals
1. Move (a lot)
2. Sweat (a lot)
3. Eat Right (Healthy choices)
4. Sleep (no later than 10pm)
5. Move Forward

And that’s it.
If I do this and remain consistent I will reach the ultimate goal of looking good naked HA!  *shrug* 

Linking up with my favorite Friday folks Fitness Friday, Friday Five, Friday Favorites & Five Things Friday